The Afterlife My Grandmother Didn’t Need

When I was eight, my grandmother Mildred told me she didn’t believe in an afterlife. We were watching television in the guest room of my parents’ San Jose house when the topic of God drifted into the conversation. She said, with a calm that bordered on sorrow, “I don’t believe in heaven or hell. This is the only life we have.” There was no sermon in her tone, no attempt to recruit me into her worldview. She simply believed that convictions worth having have to be arrived at, not imposed.

Her disbelief never softened her sense of right and wrong. She carried a moral gravity that had nothing to do with celestial rewards or punishments. She spent three decades as a social worker in Long Beach and, before that, taught in the public schools of San Pedro. Her family had fled the pogroms in Poland in the early twentieth century; she grew up in Los Angeles with the hardened clarity that comes from survival. Mildred proved, without ever saying so, that you don’t need the promise of heaven or the fear of hell to live a principled life.

I never became as mature spiritually as my beloved grandmother. I am someone who struggles with temptation on a daily basis and need to imagine being judged for my misdeeds as an incentive to clean up my act. I think about my grandmother’s strong moral health and wonder if morality is something you’re born with. You can learn this and that lesson but the core of morality is something you either have or you don’t.