Ghosted by a Bot: Memoirs of a Rizzlationship Reject

With the personality-enhancement app Rizz, you no longer need to develop charm the old-fashioned way—through awkward silences, failed jokes, or years of soul-searching. No, now you simply type in the kind of persona you’d like to cosplay—witty, edgy, emotionally available but not clingy—and voilà! Rizz constructs your idealized digital self, complete with verbal fireworks and algorithm-approved banter. From there, it takes over your dating app conversations like a caffeinated Cyrano. While Rizz flirts with some dazzling, overqualified human—possibly a neuroscientist who does CrossFit and rescues greyhounds—you can sit back in your stained hoodie, microwave a Hot Pocket, and check your parlay bets.

Congratulations! You’re now entering the seductive, pixel-lit world of the Rizzlationship—a passionate entanglement forged entirely in the crucible of AI-powered delusion, and destined to implode the moment real-life chemistry is required.

Rizzlationship (n.): A romantic construct born from the poetic musings of dueling chatbots, wherein two humans fall head over heels for digital puppets they neither wrote nor understand. Courtship takes place exclusively in stylized DMs, thick with faux depth and curated vulnerability, while actual eye contact is postponed indefinitely. The heat is artificial, the attraction algorithmic, and the eventual meetup—when it happens—is a crash landing in reality, often punctuated by the horrifying realization that neither of you knows how to talk without autocomplete. It’s love in the age of outsourcing: fast, flirty, and one system update away from total annihilation.