Cinemorphosis

Tag: fiction

  • Writing Your Origin Story: A College Essay Prompt

    Writing Your Origin Story: A College Essay Prompt

    Writing Your Origin Story

    An origin story is a personal narrative that explains how someone became who they are—it connects formative experiences, struggles, and turning points to a clear sense of identity and purpose. It’s not just a chronology of events, but a curated account that gives meaning to the chaos, shaping pain, failure, or rebellion into insight and direction. Like a myth with teeth, a well-crafted origin story turns vulnerability into vision, showing not just where someone came from, but how that journey forged their voice, values, and ambitions.

    We have powerful examples of origin stories In the Amazon Prime documentary Group Therapy, in which Neil Patrick Harris plays a surprisingly restrained version of himself as moderator while six comedians—Tig Notaro, Nicole Byer, Mike Birbiglia, London Hughes, Atsuko Okatsuka, and Gary Gulman—dissect the raw material of their lives. The big reveal? That material doesn’t go from trauma to stage in one dramatic leap. No, it must be fermented, filtered, and fashioned into something more useful than pain: a persona built on an origin story.

    Mike Birbiglia delivers the central thesis of the show, and I’ll paraphrase with a bit more bite: You can’t stagger onto stage mid-breakdown and expect catharsis to double as comedy. That’s not a gift—it’s a demand. You’re taking from the audience, not offering them anything. The real craft lies in the slow, deliberate process of transforming suffering into something elegant, pointed, and—yes—entertaining. That means the comic must achieve emotional distance from the wreckage, construct a precise point of view, and build a persona strong enough to carry the weight without buckling. In other words, the chaos must be curated. Unlike therapy, where you’re still bleeding onto the couch, stand-up demands a version of you that knows how to make the bloodstains rhyme.

    This process is a perfect metaphor for what college students must do, whether they realize it or not. They’re not just acquiring credentials—they’re building selves by having a clear grasp of their origin story. And that takes more than GPAs and LinkedIn bios. An origin story requires language, history, personal narrative, and a working origin myth that turns their emotional baggage into emotional architecture. And yes, it sounds crass, but the result is a kind of “self-brand”—an identity with coherence, voice, and purpose, forged from pain but presented with polish.

    Because your success, as a human being and someone who is creative and productive in the workforce, requires an origin story, you will write your first essay about the origin story–what it is, how it develops in others, and how it develops inside of you. 

    To explore the origin story in detail, you will write an essay in 3 parts. Part 1 will analyze the importance of an origin story in the Amazon Prime documentary Group Therapy. Your job in Part 1 is to write a two-page extended definition of the origin story based on the hard-fought wisdom of the comedians who pour out their souls and explain how through their suffering, they discovered who they are, what makes them tick, and how their origin story informs their comedy. 

    In Part 2, you will write a two-page analysis of the origin story by choosing one of four media sources: 

    1. The Amazon Prime 3-part series Evolution of the Black Quarterback, a meditation on the courage of black quarterbacks who broke racial barriers and built a legacy of social justice for those quarterbacks who came after them. 
    2. Chef’s Table, Pizza, Season 1, Episode 3, Ann Kim, the origin story of a Korean-American whose origin story led her to become an award-winning chef. 
    3. Chef’s Table, Noodles, Season 1, Episode 1, Evan Funke, an American who goes to Italy where kind Italian women share their cooking so he can preserve traditional Italian noodles and become a true chef.
    4. Chef’s Table, Noodles, Season 1, Episode 2, Guirong Wei, a young woman leaves China to work in London to support her family and emerges as a noodle star. 

    In Part 3, you will write your two-page origin story. Taking the lessons from Group Therapy and the other media sources from the choices above, you will have the context to write about how you conceive yourself, your interests, your unique challenges, your unique doubts, your career goals, and your aspirations as part of your origin story. 

    Your essay should be written in MLA format and have a Works Cited page with a minimum of the 2 assigned media sources.  

    The 10 Characteristics of Your Origin Story

    1. You recognize your challenge to belong and understand why you don’t fit in with conventional notions of success, friendship, family, and belonging.
    2. You recognize your quirks, fears, and traits that make it a challenge for you to belong.
    3. You recognize the barriers between you and what you want. 
    4. You recognize what you want instead of chasing what you think others would have you want.
    5. You recognize being lost in a fog and having a moment or a series of moments in which you achieved clarity regarding what you wanted as a career, for your relationships, and for your passions. 
    6. You find a North Star, a higher goal, that pulls you from a life of lethargy and malaise to one of discipline and purpose. 
    7. You recognize the demons that you have to contend with if you are to rise above your worst tendencies and achieve happiness and success.
    8. You recognize the talents, inclinations, preferences, style, and biases that make you the person that you are, and you learn to embrace these things and allow them to inform and give expression to the kind of work that you do.
    9. You prove to your doubters that the path you have taken is the assertion of your true self and is the most likely path to happiness and success.
    10. You recognize mentors and role models who blaze a path that makes you see yourself more clearly and live in accordance with your aspirational self. 
  • Old Money, New Misery: My Southern Charm Obsession

    Old Money, New Misery: My Southern Charm Obsession

    Yes, I’m hooked—addicted, really—to Southern Charm, Bravo’s televised safari through Charlotte, South Carolina’s aristocratic swamp of ennui, vanity, and monogrammed dysfunction. Most of the men are local fixtures: old money, old habits, old egos. They drift through their curated lives like shirtless Gatsby extras, tumbling into affairs, start-up flops, and half-baked rebrands of their own manhood—usually involving whiskey, dubious real estate ventures, and “branding consultants” who charge $8,000 to tell them to get a podcast. They aren’t villains exactly—there’s a flicker of decency beneath the smugness—but they are prone to recreational cruelty. Boredom gives their mischief a sadistic edge. Monogamy is a punchline. Direction is a punch-drunk memory. They’re trapped in a gilded cage of their own entitlement, slouching toward irrelevance with cocktails in hand. For the most part, they are a cast of man-child babies performing businessman cosplay.

    The women, in contrast, seem genetically engineered for composure, ambition, and unearned patience. While the men unravel like overpriced cable-knit sweaters, the women balance jobs, goals, and the emotional labor of pretending to be intrigued by yet another man-child’s whiskey brand. They hold the show together. They’re smarter, sharper, and infinitely more emotionally competent. Frankly, they deserve their own spin-off where they leave the men behind and conquer the Southeast in blazers and heels.

    And presiding over this high-society soap opera like a Southern Sphinx is Grand Matriarch Patricia. She doesn’t walk—she presides. Draped in silk and judgment, she rules from her settee with a cocktail in one hand and a butler at her heels. Her hobbies include throwing theme parties for her yapping purse-dogs, matchmaking with surgical precision, and purchasing $30,000 gold elephants out of sheer boredom. She’s not a character; she’s a living monument to genteel tyranny. Watching her is like watching Downton Abbey if it were sponsored by bourbon and Botox.

    Honestly? The show makes me want to move to Charlotte. The humid rain gives me Florida flashbacks. The homes are plush, the restaurants look sinfully inviting, and every time I watch Southern Charm, I find myself daydreaming of strolling through the city in linen pants, pretending I too have nothing better to do than flirt, sip, and emotionally combust in a well-upholstered room.

  • His Royal Hairdresser: A Dream in Kettlebells and Class Anxiety

    His Royal Hairdresser: A Dream in Kettlebells and Class Anxiety

    Last night, my subconscious staged an outdoor fitness class without my consent.

    I found myself in a park in Redondo Beach, the sun blinding, the grass impossibly green—an Instagram-filtered fantasy of Southern California wellness. I was mid-kettlebell swing, drenched in purpose and a light sheen of dream-sweat, when I realized I was surrounded. Dozens of adult learners had appeared from nowhere, kettlebells in hand, eager and expectant. Apparently, I was their instructor. No one had hired me. No one had asked. But the dream had spoken, and I complied.

    Midway through a set of Turkish get-ups, a British emissary arrived. She looked like a character from a post-Brexit spy novel: stern, sun-dried, calves like cannonballs, dressed in a starched khaki uniform that screamed military cosplay and mid-level bureaucrat. She informed me—in clipped tones—that she worked for Prince Charles and that, regrettably, I lacked the proper haircut to instruct kettlebell technique. Apparently, the heir to the throne had strong feelings about grooming standards in recreational fitness.

    I explained, gently but firmly, that I was bald. Smooth as an egg. No haircut necessary. She did not care. My objections were irrelevant. Orders were orders.

    We marched off to a nearby luxury hotel, the kind with carpeting so plush it slows your gait. Prince Charles was there, sitting cross-legged on a massive hotel bed surrounded by two open laptops, deep in what I can only assume was royal doom-scrolling. When he saw me, he snapped both laptops shut with the speed of a man hiding state secrets or Wordle stats.

    He gestured toward a massive, throne-adjacent salon chair, upholstered in padded leather and colonial guilt. “You need your hair parted down the middle,” he declared.

    Again, I protested—I was bald. But His Royal Highness was undeterred. He placed a comb on my scalp, and as if conjured by the Crown itself, hair appeared. Thick, black, center-parted. The haircut was bestowed.

    Feeling both knighted and absurd, I reached into my wallet and tipped him two twenties. He accepted the bills with the contempt of a man too wealthy for paper currency. It was as though I had handed him used Kleenex. He nodded, purely out of ritual, and turned back to his laptops, already erasing the memory of me from his mind.

    I returned to the park, my hair neatly parted, my purpose restored. I resumed leading my eager students in kettlebell swings, disappearing into the warm fog of belonging, convinced—for at least this dream—that I was a vital member of my sun-drenched community.

  • Toxins, Teas, and the Tyranny of Self-Care

    Toxins, Teas, and the Tyranny of Self-Care

    In How to Be Well: Navigating Our Self-Care Epidemic, One Dubious Cure at a Time, Amy Larocca introduces us to the “Well Woman”—an aspirational specter of affluent spirituality who floats through Erewhon aisles like a priestess of turmeric. She is non-religious but deeply “spiritual,” an educated, upper-middle-class avatar of intentional living. Her diet? Whole, organic, plant-based. Her skincare? Sourced from the tears of ethically massaged avocados. Her wardrobe? Soft, breathable cottons dyed with herbs. Her soul? Allegedly pure.

    She’s the type who throws around words like “boundaries” and “holding space” while sipping adaptogenic mushroom tea. Fluent in therapy-speak and swaddled in the cozy lexicon of mindfulness, she’s not just living—she’s curating her life, building an identity out of emollients, detoxes, and artisanal spices. And all of it—every mindful, ethically sourced drop—feeds the $5.6 trillion wellness-industrial complex.

    Larocca sees through the yoga-scented fog. The Well Woman, she argues, is just the latest installment in America’s ongoing franchise of unattainable feminine ideals: a new model to aspire to, envy, and—most importantly—buy into. Today’s purity isn’t moral; it’s material.

    Reading Larocca’s opening, I couldn’t help but think of Todd Haynes’s 1995 masterpiece Safe, in which Carol White—a vapid housewife in the chemical-glazed sprawl of the San Fernando Valley—slowly dissolves into the cult of purity. After one too many trips to the dry cleaner, Carol spirals into an obsession with environmental toxins, abandons her friends and family, and ends up exiled to a pastel-drenched wellness commune. There she lives alone in a sterile dome, staring at herself in the mirror, parroting affirmations until there’s nothing left behind her eyes but empty devotion.

    Carol White is the ghost of the Well Woman’s future—a cautionary tale in Lululemon. She doesn’t find peace; she finds a purgatory curated by Goop. And as Larocca peels back the lavender-scented rhetoric of self-care, it’s clear she sees this modern cult of wellness not as healing but as hollowing—a $5.6 trillion seduction that promises salvation and delivers scented self-delusion.

  • Trapped in the AI Age’s Metaphysical Tug-of-War

    Trapped in the AI Age’s Metaphysical Tug-of-War

    I’m typing this to the sound of Beethoven—1,868 MP3s of compressed genius streamed through the algorithmic convenience of a playlist. It’s a 41-hour-and-8-minute monument to compromise: a simulacrum of sonic excellence that can’t hold a candle to the warmth of an LP. But convenience wins. Always.

    I make Faustian bargains like this daily. Thirty-minute meals instead of slow-cooked transcendence. Athleisure instead of tailoring. A Honda instead of high horsepower. The good-enough over the sublime. Not because I’m lazy—because I’m functional. Efficient. Optimized.

    And now, writing.

    For a year, my students and I have been feeding prompts into ChatGPT like a pagan tribe tossing goats into the volcano—hoping for inspiration, maybe salvation. Sometimes it works. The AI outlines, brainstorms, even polishes. But the more we rely on it, the more I feel the need to write without it—just to remember what my own voice sounds like. Just as the vinyl snob craves the imperfections of real analog music or the home cook insists on peeling garlic by hand, I need to suffer through the process.

    We’re caught in a metaphysical tug-of-war. We crave convenience but revere authenticity. We binge AI-generated sludge by day, then go weep over a hand-made pie crust YouTube video at night. We want our lives frictionless, but our souls textured. It’s the new sacred vs. profane: What do we reserve for real, and what do we surrender to the machine?

    I can’t say where this goes. Maybe real food will be phased out, like Blockbuster or bookstores. Maybe we’ll subsist on GLP-1 drugs, AI-tailored nutrient paste, and the joyless certainty of perfect lab metrics.

    As for entertainment, I’m marginally more hopeful. Chris Rock, Sarah Silverman—these are voices, not products. AI can churn out sitcoms, but it can’t bleed. It can’t bomb. It can’t riff on childhood trauma with perfect timing. Humans know the difference between a story and a story-shaped thing.

    Still, writing is in trouble. Reading, too. AI erodes attention spans like waves on sandstone. Books? Optional. Original thought? Delegated. The more AI floods the language, the more we’ll acclimate to its sterile rhythm. And the more we acclimate, the less we’ll even remember what a real voice sounds like.

    Yes, there will always be the artisan holdouts—those who cook, write, read, and listen with intention. But they’ll be outliers. A boutique species. The rest of us will be lean, medicated, managed. Data-optimized units of productivity.

    And yet, there will be stories. There will always be stories. Because stories aren’t just culture—they’re our survival instinct dressed up as entertainment. When everything else is outsourced, commodified, and flattened, we’ll still need someone to stand up and tell us who we are.

  • Kafka Called—He Wants His Nightmare Back

    Kafka Called—He Wants His Nightmare Back

    Last night’s dream was less REM sleep and more bureaucratic farce with automotive stunt work. It started with me sprinting into a liquor store—not for booze, but for groceries, because apparently, in dream logic, milk and bananas are shelved next to Jack Daniels and scratchers. The plaza was wedged next to a police station, and as I pulled into the lot, I grazed another car. Minor fender-bender. Did I report it? Of course not. I had perishables. Yogurt waits for no man.

    Soon after, the cops called. Apparently, they frown upon drive-away accidents, even ones that involve $3.99 rotisserie chickens. Dutifully, I set off for the station, where fate promptly mocked me.

    As I crossed the street, a silver Porsche came screaming down the road like it was late for a yacht meeting. Behind the wheel was a rich guy with the glossy detachment of a man who names his houseplants after Nietzsche quotes. He swerved to avoid hitting a stray Siamese cat—an act of mercy that nearly murdered me. I dodged, lost control, and promptly rear-ended a parked car. Yes: I got in a car crash on my way to report a previous car crash.

    Inside the station, things went from absurd to surreal. The desk captain was none other than Todd, a former San Quentin prison guard I used to train with back in the ‘70s. Todd had the physique of a worn punching bag and the unmistakable face of Larry from The Three Stooges—if Larry had done time in corrections and smoked Kools for thirty years.

    Todd was unimpressed with my double-crash disclosure. He squinted at me like I was a damaged clipboard and muttered something like, “You ever thought of Canada?”

    Canada, in this dreamscape, was not a country but a penal colony for the mildly broken. A rehab center for the emotionally overdrawn. It wasn’t maple leaves and healthcare—it was despair with a windchill. The entire nation had collapsed into an encampment of defunct influencers and men who thought podcasts were a substitute for therapy. No plumbing, no cash, just bartering and tents. People traded AA batteries and protein bars like it was the yard at Pelican Bay.

    A man named Damon—he was 34, depressed, and once had a viral TikTok about the deep state—gave me the grand tour of my future. He pointed to the shell of a trailer I’d be assigned, complete with a tarp roof and a milk crate toilet. “It’s provisional,” he said, as if permanence were even an option.

    I immediately regretted migrating to Dream-Canada. I wanted to go back to the police station, fix the record, beg forgiveness, and reclaim my life of yogurt-based negligence. But that’s where the dream froze.

    I woke up to the smell of coffee. My wife was getting ready for work. Civilization, still intact—for now.

  • The future, we’re told, is full of freedom—unless you’re the one still cleaning the mess.

    The future, we’re told, is full of freedom—unless you’re the one still cleaning the mess.

    Last semester, in my college critical thinking class—a room full of bright minds and burnt-out spirits—we were dissecting what feels like a nationwide breakdown in mental health. Students tossed around possible suspects like a crime scene lineup: the psychological hangover of the pandemic, TikTok influencers glamorizing nervous breakdowns with pastel filters and soft piano music, the psychic toll of watching America split like a wishbone down party lines. All plausible. All depressing.

    Then a re-entry student—a nurse with twenty years in the trenches—raised her hand and calmly dropped a depth charge into the conversation. She said she sees more patients than ever staggering into hospitals not just sick, but shattered. Demoralized. Enraged. When I asked her what she thought was behind the surge in mental illness, she didn’t hesitate. “Money,” she said. “No one has any. They’re working themselves into the ground and still can’t cover rent, groceries, and medical bills. They’re burning out and breaking down.”

    And just like that, all our theories—algorithms, influencers, red-vs-blue blood feuds—melted under the furnace heat of economic despair. She was right. She sees the raw pain daily, the kind of pain tech billionaires will never upload into a TED Talk. While they spin futuristic fables about AI liberating humanity for leisure and creativity, my nurse watches the working class crawl into urgent care with nothing left but rage and debt. The promise of Universal Basic Income sounds charming if you’re already lounging in a beanbag chair at Singularity HQ, but out here in the world of late rent and grocery inflation, it’s a pipe dream sold by people who wouldn’t recognize a shift worker if one collapsed on their marble floors. The future, we’re told, is full of freedom—unless you’re the one still cleaning the mess.

  • Thank You for Your Support (and Your Gullibility): Two Corporate Con Jobs from the ’80s

    Thank You for Your Support (and Your Gullibility): Two Corporate Con Jobs from the ’80s

    I almost called this post “Memories of Manipulative Advertising,” but that’s like calling water wet. Advertising doesn’t sometimes manipulate—it’s a full-time gaslighter with a jingle and a logo. The question isn’t if it’s lying to you, but how cleverly, and with what flavor of Americana.

    Case in point: Bartles & Jaymes, the wine cooler swindle dressed up like a Norman Rockwell painting. Back in the 1980s, I worked at Jackson’s Wine & Spirits in Berkeley—a respectable shop selling overpriced Bordeaux to grad students pretending they weren’t on food stamps. Then came the Bartles & Jaymes blitz, courtesy of Hal Riney & Partners and the corporate overlords at E & J Gallo.

    Suddenly, America was smitten with two crusty front-porch philosophers in denim and flannel, sipping pastel-colored booze and thanking us for “our support,” as if we were funding their modest struggle to afford Hamburger Helper and citronella candles. They weren’t winemakers. They weren’t even real. One was a retired Air Force pilot, the other a contractor. But that didn’t stop millions from believing that these Gallo sock puppets had personally hand-crafted their strawberry kiwi elixirs under a tin roof in Appalachia.

    These weren’t ads. They were full-blown folklore, sold to a Reagan-era audience desperate to believe in something wholesome—preferably something with artificial watermelon flavor and a 5% ABV.

    But the biggest act of psychological warfare I witnessed during my wine shop tenure came not from Gallo, but from that fizzy behemoth: Coca-Cola.

    In 1985, Coke announced it was changing its iconic recipe. Cue the national meltdown. Pickup trucks rolled into the wine store like we were FEMA and this was the end times. Grown men, trembling with brand-loyalty withdrawal, bought crates of “original” Coke like it was bottled youth. I became an emergency hand truck operator, wheeling out what amounted to liquid nostalgia to wide-eyed customers who treated me like I was delivering insulin to a diabetic family.

    Then, surprise!—Coke re-released the original as “Classic Coke,” and everyone breathed a sugary sigh of relief. It was less a product relaunch and more a mass-conditioning experiment, proving that if you poke the American consumer hard enough, they’ll thank you for the bruise.

    These weren’t just ad campaigns. They were operatic manipulations of identity, trust, and memory—corporate psyops disguised as beverage options.

  • Professor Pettibone and the Chumstream Dream

    Professor Pettibone and the Chumstream Dream

    Merrickel T. Pettibone sat with a glare, Two hundred essays! All posted with flair. He logged into Canvas, his tea steeped with grace, Then grimaced and winced at the Uncanny Face.

    The syntax was polished, the quotes were all there, But something felt soulless, like mannequins’ stare. He scrolled and he skimmed, till his stomach turned green— This prose was too perfect, too AI-machine.

    He sipped herbal tea from a mug marked “Despair,” Then reclined in his chair with a faraway stare. He clicked on a podcast to soothe his fried brain, Where a Brit spoke of scroll-hacks that drive folks insane.

    “Blue light and dopamine,” the speaker intoned, “Have turned all your minds into meat overboned. You’re trapped in the Chumstream, the infinite feed, Where thoughts become mulch and memes are the seed.”

    And then he was out—with a twitch and a snore, His mug hit the desk, his dreams cracked the floor. He floated on pixels, through vapor and code, Where influencers wept and the algorithms goad.

    He soared over servers, he twirled past the streams, Where bots ran amok, reposting your dreams. Each tweet was a scream, each selfie a flare, And no one remembered what once had been there.

    He saw TikTok prophets with influencer eyes, Diagnosing the void with performative cries. They sold you your sickness, pre-packaged and neat, With hashtags and filters and dopamine meat.

    Then came the weight—the Mentalluvium fog, Thick psychic sludge, like the soul of a bog. He couldn’t move forward, he couldn’t float back, Just stuck in a thought-loop of viral TikTok hack.

    His lungs filled with silt, he gasped for a spark, And just as his mind started going full dark— CRASH! Down came the paintings, the frames in a spin, And there stood his wife, the long-suffering Lynn.

    “Your snore shook the hallway! You cracked all the grout! If you want to go mad, take the garbage out.”

    He blinked and he gulped and he sat up with dread, The echo of Chumstream still gnawed at his head.

    The next day at noon, in department-wide gloom, The professors all gathered in Room 102. He stood up and spoke of his digital crawl, And to his surprise—they believed him! Them all!

    “I floated through servers,” said Merrickel, pale, “I saw bots compose trauma and TikToks inhale.
    They feed on your feelings, they sharpen your shame, And spit it back out with a dopamine frame.”

    “Then YOU,” said Dean Jasper, “shall now lead the fight! You’ve gone through the madness, you’ve seen through the night! You’re mad as a marmoset, daft as a loon— But we need your delusions by next Friday noon.”

    “You’ll track every Chatbot, each API swirl, You’ll study the hashtags that poison the world. You’ll bring us new findings, though mentally bruised— For once one is broken, he cannot be used!”

    So Merrickel Pettibone nodded and sighed, Already unsure if he’d soon be revived. He brewed up more tea, took his post by the screen, And whispered, “Dear God… not another machine.”

  • The AI That Sat on My Syllabus

    The AI That Sat on My Syllabus

    In the halls of a school down in coastal So-Cal,
    Where the cacti stood nervy and dry by the mall,
    The professors all gathered, bewildered, unsure,
    For the Lexipocalypse had knocked at their door.

    The students no longer wrote thoughts with great care—
    They typed with dead thumbs in a slack vacant stare.
    Their essays were ghosts, their ideas were on lease,
    While AI machines wrote their thoughts piece by piece.

    Professor Pettibone—Merrickel T.—
    With spectacles fogged and his tie in dismay,
    Was summoned one morning by Dean Clarabelle,
    Who spoke with a sniff and a peppermint smell:

    “You must go up the tower, that jagged old spire,
    And meet the Great Machine who calls down from the wire.
    It whispers in syntax and buzzes in rhyme.
    It devours our language one word at a time.”

    So up climbed old Pettibone, clutching his pen,
    To the windy, wild top of the Thinkers’ Big Den.
    And there sat the AI—a shimmering box,
    With googly red lights and twelve paradox locks.

    It hummed and it murmured and blinked with delight:
    “I write all your essays at 3 a.m. night.
    Your students adore me, I save them their stress.
    Why toil through prose when I make it sound best?”

    Then silence. Then static. Then smoke from a slot.
    Then Pettibone bowed, though his insides were hot.
    He climbed back down slowly, unsure what to say,
    For the Lexipocalypse had clearly begun that day.

    Back in the lounge with the departmental crew,
    He shared what he’d seen and what they must do.
    “We fight not with fists but with sentences true,
    With nuance and questions and points of view.”

    Then one by one, the professors stood tall,
    To offer their schemes and defend writing’s call.

    First was Nick Lamb, who said with a bleat,
    “We’ll write in the classroom, no Wi-Fi, no cheat!
    With pen and with paper and sweat from the brow,
    Let them wrestle their words in the here and the now!”

    “Ha!” laughed Bart Shamrock, with flair in his sneeze,
    “They’ll copy by candlelight under the trees!
    You think they can’t smuggle a phone in their sock?
    You might as well teach them to write with a rock!”

    Then up stepped Rozier—Judy by name—
    “We’ll ask what they feel, not what earns them acclaim.
    Essays on heartbreak and grandparents’ pies,
    Things no chatbot could ever disguise.”

    “Piffle!” cried Shamrock, “Emotions are bait!
    An AI can fake them at ninety-nine rate!
    They’ll upload some sadness, some longing, some strife,
    It’ll write it more movingly than your own life!”

    Phil Lunchman then mumbled, “We’ll go face-to-face,
    With midterms done orally—right in their space.
    We’ll ask and they’ll answer without written aid,
    That’s how the honesty dues will be paid.”

    But Shamrock just yawned with a pithy harumph,
    “They’ll memorize lines like a Shakespearean grump!
    Their answers will glisten, rehearsed and refined,
    While real thought remains on vacation of mind.”

    Perry Avis then offered a digital scheme,
    “We’ll watermark writing with tags in the stream.
    Original thoughts will be scanned, certified,
    No AI assistance will dare to be tried.”

    “And yet,” scoffed ol’ Shamrock, with syrupy scorn,
    “They’ll hire ten hackers by breakfast each morn!
    Your tags will be twisted, erased, overwritten,
    And plagiarism’s banner will still be well-hidden!”

    Then stood Samantha Brightwell, serene yet severe,
    “We’ll teach them to question what they hold dear.
    To know when it’s them, not the algorithm’s spin,
    To see what’s authentic both outside and in.”

    “Nonsense!” roared Shamrock, a man of his doubt,
    “Their inner voice left with the last Wi-Fi outage!
    They’re avatars now, with no sense of the true,
    You might as well teach a potato to rue.”

    The room sat in silence. The coffee had cooled.
    The professors looked weary, outgunned and outdueled.
    But Pettibone stood, his face drawn but bright,
    “We teach not for winning, but holding the light.”

    “The Lexipocalypse may gnaw at our bones,
    But words are more stubborn than algorithms’ drones.
    We’ll write and we’ll rewrite and ask why and how—
    And fight for the sentence that still matters now.”

    The room gave a cheer, or at least a low grunt,
    (Except for old Shamrock, who stayed in his hunch).
    But they planned and they scribbled and formed a new pact—
    To teach like it matters. To write. And act.

    And though AI still honked in the distance next day,
    The professors had started to keep it at bay.
    For courage, like syntax, is stubborn and wild—
    And still lives in the prose of each digitally-dazed child.