Cinemorphosis

Category: Confessions

  • Breakfast Grains and Other Existential Threats As I Embark Upon a Two-Month Vacation

    Breakfast Grains and Other Existential Threats As I Embark Upon a Two-Month Vacation

    Today is my last day of class before I’m loosed into a two-month intermission—a stretch of time that must be handled like a late-arrival character in a film. This visitor has a history with me, knows my flaws, and demands that I greet him with something better than the usual slouch and shrug.

    Naturally, I’ll rehab the shoulder, write, and play the piano. Exercise will take care of itself; addiction is nothing if not reliable. Food, however, is the saboteur lurking in my blind spot. My emotional attachments to breakfast grains would make a Freudian blush: buckwheat groats, steel-cut oats, rolled oats, vanilla protein powder, cinnamon, berries, nuts. The whole wholesome choir. Trouble is, those virtuous bowls can turn caloric faster than a Hallmark plot twist.

    These cereals, if I’m honest, are less about hunger and more about the psychic umbilical cord. They point back to Mother, the Womb, or—in Phil Stutz’s terms—the Comfort Zone, the Warm Bath. Linger too long in that morning porridge spa, and the scale begins to stage an intervention. Add in my peculiar habit of finding solace in true-crime documentaries—an activity best described as athletic only in its couch commitment—and the trajectory is clear: weight gain, sloth, entropy.

    Fortunately, I do maintain countermeasures. Kettlebells and the Schwinn Airdyne stand ready like loyal foot soldiers. Reading, writing, and piano practice also help stave off the creeping rot. And yes, I’ll continue shaving, if only to avoid becoming the bearded oracle wandering the streets muttering about glycemic index.

    This two-month hiatus is really a dress rehearsal for retirement, which is now only eighteen months and three semesters away. It would be dishonest to pretend the prospect doesn’t rattle me. Maintaining purpose without the scaffolding of a teaching schedule is its own moral test. I’m fortunate to have reached this threshold, but fortune alone won’t keep me from misusing it. All I can do is stay awake, practice discipline, and ask my Maker for the humility to spend the limited time left with intention rather than drift.

  • Confessions of a College Writing Instructor in Transition

    Confessions of a College Writing Instructor in Transition

    Yesterday morning at the college, I ran into the Writing Center director and asked whether AI had thinned out the crowds of students seeking help. To his surprise, the numbers were down only slightly—less than ten percent. I told him I’m retiring in three semesters and have no idea what the job of a writing instructor will look like five years from now. He nodded and said what we’re all thinking: we’re in the middle of a technological tectonic shift, and no one knows where the fault lines lead.

    When I got home, I realized that when I meet my students face-to-face in Spring 2026, I’ll need to level with them. Something like this:

    Hello, Students.

    I won’t sugarcoat it. Writing instructors are in transition, and many of us don’t quite know our role anymore. We’re feeling our way through the dark. To pretend otherwise would be less than honest, and the one thing we need right now is credibility. 

    In this class, you’ll write three essays—each roughly two thousand words. The first examines GLP-1 drugs like Ozempic and the messy question of free will in weight management: are we outsourcing discipline to pharmaceuticals? The second explores our dependence on emerging technologies that claim to build new skills while quietly eroding old ones—a process known as de-skillification. The final essay tackles ultra-processed foods and the accusation that eating them is a form of self-poisoning. We’ll examine that claim in a world where food technology, especially for people on GLP-1 medications, promises affordability, convenience, and enhanced nutrition. All three assignments orbit the same theme: technology’s relentless disruption of daily life.

    And speaking of disruption, we need to talk about large language models—ChatGPT, Gemini, Claude, Llama, and whatever else arrives next Tuesday. It’s obvious that students are already using these tools to write and edit their work. Many of you have used them throughout high school; for you, AI isn’t cheating—it’s normal.

    I don’t expect you to avoid these tools. They’re part of being a functioning human in a rapidly changing world. The real question isn’t whether you use them, but how. If you treat them like wish-granting genies spitting out essays on command, you’ll produce communication with all the nuance of an emoji—slick, shallow, and dead on arrival. If you use AI for quick-and-dirty summaries, your brain will soften like a forgotten banana. But if you treat these tools as collaborators—writers’ room partners who help you brainstorm, clarify arguments, test counterarguments, and refine your prose—then you’re not just surviving college, you’re evolving.

    College is where you learn to use tools that shape your professional future. But it’s also where you sharpen the questions that determine how you live: Why am I here? What does it mean to live well? Those aren’t academic abstractions; they’re the spine of adulthood. You can’t separate your ambitions from your identity.

    AI can’t give you a soul. It can’t recall your first heartbreak, your deepest disappointment, or the electricity of a song that arrived at exactly the right moment. But it can help you articulate experience. It can help you think more clearly about who you are, how you plan to work, and how to live with an intact conscience.

    The critical thinking and communication skills we practice in this class exist for that purpose—and always will.

  • Flashback to Tony Banks’ “Afterglow”

    Flashback to Tony Banks’ “Afterglow”

    The podcast conversation between Andrew Sullivan and George Packer left me with a kind of Boomer melancholia: the sense that the world is shifting beneath our feet while we stand rooted in place. The young don’t believe in our institutions, our democracy, or our economic promises. We no longer share a common reality; instead, we inhabit digital bunkers curated by conspiracy brokers who can elevate grifters to national power. Boomers—myself included—feel sidelined, stunned, and a little ghostlike as a new world rises and shrugs us off. I carry that heaviness alongside the throb of my torn rotator cuff, which still jerks me awake at two in the morning. My shoulder and my generation feel similarly compromised: stiff, unreliable, and unable to perform the way they once did.

    These thoughts ambushed me this afternoon as I walked into my bedroom to grab my things before picking up my daughters from high school. Out of nowhere, a song from my teens surfaced—Genesis’s “Afterglow,” written by Tony Banks. It appears on A Trick of the Tail, but the definitive version is Phil Collins’s live performance on Seconds Out, where the ache in his voice makes the song feel like a confession. The narrator wakes from a spiritual coma to realize the world he trusted is gone and he’s broken along with it. In that ruin, he yearns to surrender himself to something higher—love, purpose, the purifying clarity of devotion. It reminded me of Nick Cave’s conversation on Josh Szeps’s Uncomfortable Conversations, where Cave describes his own devotional temperament and his hunger for transformation. “Afterglow” feels like the soundtrack to that kind of awakening.

    But not everyone hungers for that kind of epiphany. I’m not sure my heroes Larry David, George Carlin, or Fran Lebowitz would ever have an Afterglow Moment, and I don’t think they should be judged for it. Some people thrive without chasing transcendence. I know that I, like Nick Cave, feel broken in a broken world and remain open to whatever cleansing revelation might come. But I don’t mistake that for a universal template. If I ever had an Afterglow Moment and found myself at dinner with Fran Lebowitz, I’d keep the whole thing to myself. There’s no reason to evangelize the converted—or the happily unconcerned.

  • Peanut Butter Miracles by the Sea

    Peanut Butter Miracles by the Sea

    Last night I dreamed my family and I lived in a tiny coastal village, our house perched beside a sea cave forever clogged with sunburned tourists stretched across the rocks like decorative seals. My days there resembled my current life—morning workout, lunch, a restorative nap, rising around two. But at three o’clock sharp, duty called. I had to meet a melancholy, androgynous thirteen-year-old girl at the cave to help her rebuild her self-worth.

    We always met at the cave’s entrance, where an old wooden table stood like an altar, its surface coated in a strange patina of green wax, copper dust, and faint streaks of gold. I would stare at the empty table, and in the way dreams obey their own physics, a full case of peanut-butter protein bars would appear out of nothing. The girl and I sold them to the tourists, a ritual commerce that somehow fortified her confidence. They weren’t really protein bars—they were confidence bars.

    The ritual never wavered. Every day at three. I wasn’t resentful or thrilled. I accepted the task with a quiet, dutiful calm. The community expected it. My family expected it. I expected it. The girl’s fragile self-esteem felt unacceptable to me, and the fact that I could conjure a case of bars each afternoon made me responsible for using the gift. No bragging rights, no noble self-sacrifice monologue—just a job that grounded me and gave my life shape.

    I didn’t understand why selling bars to strangers healed her spirit, nor why the universe chose me as its peanut-butter conduit. But clarity wasn’t required. My role was simple: show up, help her, and let the mystery stay mysterious.

  • The Gospel According to Fran Lebowitz

    The Gospel According to Fran Lebowitz

    To stay young, I don’t just need a healthy body—I need a mind that isn’t turning into attic storage. My role model in this department is Fran Lebowitz, the humorist who travels the world armed with nothing but her brutally honest intelligence. Her worldview is diamond-cut: she adores New York and despises technology. She refuses to drive a car, touch a smartphone, or even acknowledge a laptop’s existence. Writer’s block? She treats it like a houseguest who overstays for a few decades. Talking is her chosen weapon, so potent that publishing books has become optional.

    Fran is an atheist—not the timid, hedging kind, but a certifiably confident one. She has no worries about the soul, no anxieties about the afterlife, no guilt about her misanthropy. Her biggest spiritual concern is locating a decent bagel.

    Her lack of religiosity hasn’t hindered her friendship with Martin Scorsese, the Catholic titan of cinema. They linger in New York together, trading stories about the old city and reveling in their shared devotion to art—and to complaining eloquently about everything else.

    My mind would be far less cluttered if I possessed Fran’s secular serenity, but I’m built more like Scorsese. I’m a tormented soul, forever plunging into questions about sacrifice, guilt, depravity, and redemption. I couldn’t live like Fran even with a decade of training. I’m hopelessly Marty. But at least I can imagine that if I ever met Fran, she wouldn’t dismiss me for my melancholic leanings. She might dismiss me for my mediocrity or any bland remark that escaped my mouth, but at least her reasons would be earthly.

    To spend an hour at dinner listening to Fran Lebowitz would be a balm—more philosophically satisfying than any bestselling thinker’s 700-page tome. It will never happen, of course. But fortunately, I can find Fran Lebowitz on YouTube. 

  • Prune Juice Before Midnight

    Prune Juice Before Midnight

    People have been telling me my whole life that I’d make an excellent 85-year-old, and frankly, they weren’t wrong. Even in my twenties, my idea of a raucous New Year’s Eve was a two-person rebellion against everything fun. While the world staggered toward midnight clutching cheap champagne, I’d be toasting with Prune de la Prune—prune juice in a champagne flute, chilled to the brink of respectability.

    My date and I would nibble homemade walnut bread thick with organic peanut butter and a polite ribbon of honey, the kind of snack that whispers, “We’re better than everyone else.”

    And then—lights out at nine. Because nothing thrilled me more than waking at five, smugly greeting the dawn like the early bird who not only gets the worm but probably lectures it on discipline. Even writing this gives me a warm, geriatric shiver of delight.

  • For Twenty Years, Regret Drove My Watch Hobby

    For Twenty Years, Regret Drove My Watch Hobby

    I’m four months into shoulder rehab for a torn rotator cuff, and I’m sad to report that after laying off Motrin for 36 hours, the pain and inflammation came roaring back in my left shoulder. Not surprisingly, during these last four months of shoulder obsession, my watch obsession has taken a back seat. About a month ago, I did a brief experiment with my collection: I put bracelets on three of my Seiko divers. That lasted less than a week. All seven of my divers are back on straps.

    I’m not currently buying or selling watches, and I don’t have much left to say about my collection that I haven’t already said. But my all-consuming watch obsession has transferred to healing my shoulder, and that distance from the hobby has given me a few insights I didn’t have before. I realized I’m not just a watch addict. If I peel back the layers beneath the shiny timepieces, what I’m really addicted to is regret. For twenty years, regret drove my watch hobby. The thrill wasn’t owning a new diver; it was convincing myself I’d bought the wrong one. I always needed something better, so I’d sell the old one and replace it with a new model. Then one of two things would happen: I’d miss the old one or want to replace the new one with something even newer. Either way, regret was the engine. I was constantly second-guessing myself and spinning my wheels. My watch hobby became a soap opera with the same tired plot: What Could Have Been.

    Regardless of the purchase, I was overwhelmed with regret. I bought watches that were too big, too small, too dressy, too blinged-out—each one a personalized regret grenade.

    Letting the collection creep past seven was another fiasco. Anything over that number triggered what I call “Watch-Rotation Anxiety,” a condition where choosing a wristwatch feels like negotiating a hostage release.

    When the regret overwhelmed me, I tried to smother it with another purchase. A new watch fed my brain with fresh dopamine and adrenaline, but it was just a band-aid. Regret always returned.

    As I descended into this regret-feedback loop, I entered a phase I call Gollumification. Gollum didn’t turn into a demon overnight—his soul disintegrated over centuries. Like a Holy Grail diver watch, the Ring promised specialness, superiority, and shortcuts to power. He committed desperate acts to keep it. He murdered and then lied to himself about why. Clinging to the Ring as his last scrap of identity, he withered into a sad, lonely creature.

    That’s why Gollumification resonates today—it’s a slow-motion collapse. You don’t need the Ring to become Gollum. Any addiction will do. Isolate yourself, feed an obsession, and treat your desires as the only truth that matters. Eventually, the human being disappears and Gollum takes over.

    So has this distance from watches cured me of my inner Gollum? No, not really.

    I’m still addicted to the soap opera of regret.

    Regret addiction is very real for me. I’m going through it right now, but not with watches—this time it’s computers. I spent six months researching a desktop to replace my seven-year-old Windows laptop. Recently, I bounced back and forth between a small form factor Windows machine and a Mac Mini. I ended up buying two Mac Minis—one for me and one for my wife. She’s fine with hers because she’s used Mac OS for the last decade, but I’ve been on Windows.

    For the last three days, I’ve hated my life. The Mac Mini is a great computer, but I miss Windows. I miss the way Windows accepts all my peripherals—mechanical keyboards, printers—without any fuss. I don’t feel at home on Mac OS at all. I’m actually using Google Chrome on my Mac Mini. Why? Because I’m homesick for Windows. It’s like the American who goes to Paris and misses home so much he goes to McDonald’s just to feel normal again.

    That’s where I’m at. I’m overcome with regret.

    Here’s how bad it is: Yesterday, after my workout, I wanted to get on a computer for fifteen minutes before taking a nap, and I didn’t want to use the Mac Mini. I resented it. So instead I went into my room and used my old Windows laptop—just to get a taste of home.

    My engineering friend Pedro is coming over this weekend to help me connect my peripherals to the Mac Mini and teach me how to use the command keys on my mechanical keyboard so I can feel more comfortable. He assures me the regret is temporary, a necessary transition that will fade as I acclimate to the Mac Mini.

    We shall see. The thing is: I think I’m addicted to regret.

    All of us are. Go on watch-message boards and you’ll see watch obsessives crying for help—paralyzed by indecision, regret, self-doubt, and lost Holy Grails.

    I suspect the watch hobby is just a proxy for the human hunger for high stakes. If you’re full of regret, the drama makes you feel like you’re in a meaningful battle. You’re a man living too comfortably inside the cave with your WiFi, your Internet, your Netflix, and your Cocoa Puffs. You need adventure. You need a deep-sea diver on your wrist while navigating Google just to feel like you’re sailing the Seven Seas.

    Regret is the soap opera of suburban man. He’s trapped in his cave and wants to escape, but he also wants to avoid traffic—so he’s stuck. To escape his confinement, he creates soap operas in his mind. And in doing so, he discovers that regret is a powerful tool. It fuels his watch addiction, and when that addiction quiets down, the hunger for regret leaks into other decisions: Windows or Mac, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry, Thai or sushi.

    Regret makes inconsequential decisions feel consequential. When we confront this truth, we see how ridiculous we are.

    It’s time to turn the page and move on to the next chapter. I just hope the next chapter is one without a sore shoulder.

    That’s it. I can’t go on anymore. I’m overcome with regret.

  • The First 24 Hours of Using My Mac Mini M4 Have Not Been Promising

    The First 24 Hours of Using My Mac Mini M4 Have Not Been Promising

    I had been wanting to work at my desk with two 27-inch monitors and a quiet small, form factor desktop to replace my old Acer gaming laptop connected to a monitor at my desk for a long time. I did a lot of research and finally settled on a Mac Mini M4 with 32GB RAM and 1TB SSD. Yesterday I began the process of leaving Windows, after 7 years, and working in the Mac OS system. 

    So far I regret my decision. The hardware on the Mac Mini is impressive. It is a beautiful, fast, responsive machine. However, it is too fussy for me and it doesn’t work well with hubs and peripherals, which you need if you want to be fully functional at your desk. 

    It doesn’t respond to my Asus mechanical keyboard after it falls asleep, so I have to turn off and restart the computer just to get it to respond to my keyboard. 

    I have to buy a USB converter so the A on my wired keyboard can go into the Mini’s C portal. That arrives later today.

    I’ve already bought an Anker hub that proved insufficient for the amount of ports I need. To be honest, I asked ChatGPT to recommend a hub, I gave it my requirements, and ChatGPT gave me inaccurate information. Not only did ChatGPT tell me to get a hub with insufficient ports, it told me to get a powered one, so I bought a power brick and power cable as well. My engineering friend came over and said a passive hub would have actually worked better, so ChatGPT was wrong on two fronts. I feel stupid for having trusted it. 

    I had my engineering friend help me connect my Edifier speakers and told me what hub to buy for my USB-A ports that I need for my camera, mic, and printer. 

    The Mac Mini fails in providing portals. If I were Apple, I would sell, for $200, a hub that turns the Mini into a true desktop. You need a portal for the following:

    • Keyboard
    • Mouse
    • Camera
    • Mic
    • Speakers
    • Two monitors
    • Printer
    • SD Card Reader

    Because my mechanical keyboard is not currently connected to the actual Mini but going through my Anker hub, the Mac is not reading it after the Mac wakes up, so I have to turn off the Mac. 

    The Mac Mini and Mac in general fails to provide a seamless experience when it comes to connecting peripherals. You have to follow too many protocols before it accepts “strangers” into its home and sometimes it seems to randomly kick out the strangers this way. 

    I’m also having problems with the mouse. When I want to scroll over three pages of content I wrote on Google Docs, the mouse stops when I get to a bottom of a page, so I have to copy and paste in pieces. This is terrible workflow. Perhaps I’ll find a solution to this, but it’s yet another reason I’m not liking my new Mac Mini.

    Another failure of Mac in general is workflow. My wife and I are both teachers and my students have mostly Macs, and we all use Google Chrome for our workflow. Why hasn’t Apple come up with something like Google Docs and Google Chrome so workflow can be as appealing as Google Chrome? So far, it hasn’t. 

    I’m using Google Chrome on my Mac, which isn’t optimal because Google Chrome eats a lot of RAM and memory on Macs. That’s why I got 32GB RAM and 1TB SSD. 

    I have an Acer 516GE Chromebook in my room and it is seamless, fast, and works well with Google Chrome. 

    So far I’m not impressed with this Mac. My engineering friend, who loves his MacBook Pro, says to wait a week before I give up and give the Mac to my daughter or return it. 

    I’m not going to give up yet. If you’re like me and you want this amazing machine called the Mac Mini, I have some important advice based on what I’ve gone through the last 24 hours:

    1. Be sure you have a hub that meets your portal needs.
    2. If you like a mechanical keyboard wired with USB-A, get a C converter so you can plug it directly into the Mini so that the Mini reads your keyboard after it sleeps.
    3. Import all your Google Chrome bookmarks to Safari because your mouse won’t scroll on Google Docs in Chrome properly. It will, however, in Safari.

  • The Torn Rotator Cuff, Watch Regrets, and Gollumification

    The Torn Rotator Cuff, Watch Regrets, and Gollumification

    I’m three months into shoulder rehab for a torn rotator cuff, and I’m finally getting close to making another video for my YouTube channel. I’m not buying or selling watches, and I don’t have much left to say about my collection that I haven’t already said. But the slow, tedious obsession of coaxing my left shoulder back to life has given me a strange gift: distance. That distance from the watch addiction has created a few insights I didn’t have before. A video essay forces me to confront those insights, not just type them into the void. Writing the essay is like benching 200 pounds for eight reps—respectable, tidy. Filming the video is 300 pounds for fifteen: heavy, ridiculous, and somehow spiritually necessary. I’m a lifelong weightlifter who invents dubious personal metrics to quantify “quality of life.” It’s pathological, but it’s mine.

    As the shoulder rehab dragged on, a realization hit me with the subtlety of a kettlebell to the teeth: my watch hobby was never just an addiction to watches—it was an addiction to regret. The thrill wasn’t owning a new diver; it was selling the old one, instantly regretting it, and staging an internal soap opera about what could have been. I bought watches that were too big, too dainty, too dressy, too gaudy—each one its own personalized regret grenade. Letting the collection creep past seven watches was another fiasco. Anything over that line triggered what I call “Watch-Rotation Anxiety,” a condition where choosing a wristwatch felt like negotiating the release of hostages.

    When the regret swelled, I tried to smother it with another purchase. New watch, fresh dopamine, quick emotional triage. The relief never arrived. The cycle darkened and tightened, and I entered a phase I call Gollumification. Gollum didn’t collapse in a single catastrophic moment—his soul thinned over centuries. The Ring promised specialness, superiority, shortcuts to power. He murdered, then lied to himself about why. Clinging to the Ring as the last scrap of identity, he withered: body shrinking, language breaking, morality dissolving into compulsive self-justification. That’s why Gollumification resonates today—it’s the slow-motion collapse. You don’t need a cursed artifact to become Gollum. Just isolate yourself, feed an obsession, and treat your desires as the only truth that matters. Eventually, the human being disappears. Only the craving remains.

    For four months, I’ve lived without that watch-ring around my neck. I feel relief. The Gollumification, at least in that realm, has paused.

    Unfortunately, demons don’t retire; they migrate. The regret addiction simply found another host. I spent three months researching a desktop to replace my seven-year-old Windows laptop, bouncing endlessly between a Lenovo business tower and a Mac Mini. I finally chose the small form factor and efficient M4 chip, then immediately began interrogating myself. Why abandon eight comfortable years of Windows just to move into the cramped hotel of Mac OS, where the mattress is lumpy and the concierge shrugs?

    After days of melodrama, I realized that in a week I’ll be acclimated to the Mac Mini. Besides, if I had bought the Lenovo, I’d be regretting not getting the Mac. Regret is a snake with two fangs: it bites whether you go left or right.

    Here’s the truth I’ve been avoiding: I am addicted to regret. It makes me second-guess everything. It freezes me in the past, clouds the present, and sabotages the future. That is the heart of Gollumification—not the obsession itself, but the paralysis of compulsive doubt.

    So I’m using this rehab period to hunt the addiction at its source. I’m trying to see it clearly, resist it, and move forward without pandering to the demon that wants me to rewind every decision.

    Because if my YouTube content simply replays my “greatest hits,” then I’m not a creator—I’m Muzak in a grocery store. The kind that whispers, “You may have woken from a coma, but please return to it.” I can do better than that. If I can’t, if I’m nothing but a jukebox endlessly replaying my own past, then I should retire, crack open a beer, devour apple pie, and watch Gilligan’s Island reruns with my spiritual sponsor, Gollum. He and I can cradle our Seiko divers, lament the third-gen Monster that slipped through our fingers, and harmonize to Gilbert O’Sullivan like two addicts in a karaoke bar built out of broken dreams.

  • Diary of a Shoulder That Tried to Kill Me

    Diary of a Shoulder That Tried to Kill Me

    I posted a YouTube video confessing that my torn rotator cuff cured me of my watch addiction. I braced for scolding: “How dare you upload non-watch content?” I imagined angry horology fanatics clutching diver bracelets and pearl-clutching over my betrayal. Instead, the algorithm delivered mercy. The view count was business as usual. The comments, however, were a grim roll call of the maimed.

    They arrived like pilgrims to a shrine of damaged shoulders. Chronic pain veterans, many of them familiar names from the watch trenches, sent dispatches: stalled healing timelines, depression so thick it sits on your chest, isometric training as penance, and farewell notes to heavy lifting. A few newcomers drifted in, summoned by the wretched deltoid-algorithms that sort humanity into suffering tribes.

    Every story hit the same grim notes: rage, dread, self-pity, and nihilism. There it was again, that quiet void whispering, “Nothing matters anymore.” Nihilism is simply the rotator cuff of the soul—an internal tear that immobilizes you far longer than the physical one.

    I haven’t officially become a miserablist. Not yet. I still haunt my garage gym like a stubborn ghost. Goblet squats, double-hand swings, straight-leg deadlifts. Russian twists. A triceps exercise called Skull-crushers—named because the kettlebell would slam into your forehead if you lose focus for half a second. I use a twenty-pounder. I’m vain, not suicidal. My push-ups are a sort of prayer: on my knees, arms tucked like a sphinx, rising slowly as if coaxing life back into my triceps.

    This morning I feel a good soreness in my triceps, the soreness that whispers, “You’re still in the game.”

    Yesterday, mid-workout, two revelations hit me like kettlebells to the temple. First, the smoking gun: the injury didn’t come from ordinary training. It came from that medieval torture move known as the “lawnmower row.” You lean over and yank the kettlebell skyward like you’re trying to start a balky Briggs & Stratton. I blocked that memory for weeks—like someone trying to forget a bad romance.

    Second, I realized the injury was gentler in its early days. I know this because I still did “around-the-worlds”: passing a 70-pound kettlebell around my body in clockwise and counterclockwise orbits like a makeshift solar system. Yesterday, with a much lighter bell, I could barely scrape a half-circle before my left shoulder screamed mutiny. I didn’t just injure myself—I worsened it with the zeal of a true believer.

    So this December  of 2025 becomes a tightrope: train enough to fend off atrophy and rigidity, but not so much that the rotator cuff tears in half like wet parchment. This is the gospel of injury: moderation, humility, and the patience of a monk.

    If I were naïve enough to trust the publishing industry, I might dream of spinning this into a 70,000-word memoir. A blockbuster chronicling not only the physical agony but the psychological descent into pain-induced existentialism. The masses would see themselves in it. I might become rich. I might become famous. And yet, between two futures—a healthy shoulder and obscurity, or torn rotator cuff and celebrity cripple memoirist—I’d take the intact tendon every time. I’d rather be an anonymous man in a quiet garage than a limping prophet of pain and book deals.