Every time I read a thoughtful essay online, I find images of expensive mechanical watches flashing on the screen. The images don’t just flash. They undulate like gyrating dancers in hula skirts. Clearly, my personal data has been mined. Advertisers know that for the last twenty years, my brain has been easily hijacked by watches. My attention wanders from the article to these watches, which cost upwards of two grand, and I start thinking, “What would I look like with that watch on my wrist? And where would I wear it? To Target? To the gas station? To Trader Joe’s? How long could I stare at myself in the mirror, take wrist shots, and admire myself? How many watch pics could I upload to Instagram before growing tired of myself and feeling ashamed of this compulsive habit?”
Then it occurs to me that I’m no longer someone who fantasizes about how I would look wearing an impressive watch in public. I used to be that person, but not anymore. What happened? Did I grow too old? Yes. Did I realize that wearing chunky divers on my wrist for twenty years failed to elevate me in any meaningful way? Yes. Do I still love watches? Yes. But why has the temptation to spend a few grand on one of these watches flashing on my screen disappeared? Why haven’t I bought a mechanical watch in almost two years? Because I’ve come to appreciate these watches for what they are: a fantasy. I own five of them, and I rarely wear them because the fantasy of cosplaying “Action Man” embarrasses me. I feel ashamed of wanting to be the superhero of my own self-centered movie. A voice rebelling against my vanity says, “Come on, dude, you’re just a guy trying to make it through the day. Adorning your wrist with an expensive timepiece doesn’t change that fact.”
Ashamed of my vanity, I’ve made some changes. Instead of wearing these expensive diver watches, I now wear a G-Shock costing a couple of hundred dollars. The G-Shock has its own kind of beauty that speaks to the little kid inside me. And unlike my mechanical watches, the G-Shock knows exactly what time it is.
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